Male and Female Compatibility: Another Bogus Study

I have contended for years, that the existence of men and women on this Earth, and their admonition to coexist peacefully and live in harmony, is nothing more than a “Heavenly Hoax.” Yes, the Creator and his Gang knew there would be many a slow day in Heaven once all the mansions were built, so they devised a scheme to keep themselves amused when things got boring.

I can visualize them dangling their feet off a cloud, looking down and observing our pathetic attempts at Earthly male/female interaction. And I can hear their chuckles and belly laughs as they see how lousy things are going, but how diligent we are at trying to make it work despite the knowledge that doing the same thing over and over again while hoping for different results, is at least one definition of insanity.

I thought, perhaps, a recent study by a New York Couples Therapist might change my long jaded opinion about the inherent incompatibilities between men and women. It began by offering the conclusion that it was “caring” gestures, not romantic ones, that “make women feel really good,” and even go a long way to “getting (them) turned on in the bedroom.”

Fighting back the stirrings of a giggle, I read further. Next were some examples of the gestures women supposedly liked…… even loved from their men. While the list was only anecdotal, it included the following: Him helping with the dishes, making her coffee in the morning, picking her up at work, taking a walk with her, being quick to say “I’m sorry,” when he’s clearly at fault, and exhibiting his “little boy” when he doesn't know he's being watched.

(ANNOUNCEMENT: Anyone who feels the need, may pull up his or her hip boots whenever this data gets too “deep.” Also, turn down the violin music if it becomes distracting. Oh, and don’t forget, keep shaking that vial of oil and water to see if you can get the two to mix before you reach the end of this post.)

Anyway, while I’m not a researcher, I have lived on this planet for seventy years and observed a substantial number of females during that time. This being true, here’s what I see to be the huge flaw in the “turn-on” examples cited. Instinctively, women seem to like these things SO MUCH, they fail to realize that almost always, every caring gesture their man shows voluntarily becomes a new baseline in the relationship, at least in their mind.

Helping wash dishes, soon becomes, “It’d be nice if sometimes you could dry them, too, and wipe down the counter when you’re finished.”

The sweet act of bringing coffee to her in the morning, pales after a month or so and morphs into, “It’d be nice if sometimes you’d make the bed like you do the coffee.”

The “picking them up at work” thing soon loses its significance as a loving gesture, too, and becomes, “It would have been nice if you’d thought to pick up the dry cleaning on your way over here.”

A peaceful walk together through the neighborhood spawns observations like, “Maybe this weekend you could do something with our front planter and get it to look like that one.”

Accepting their man’s apology for being wrong, turns into something like, “Apologies are nice, but if you tried harder to think before you acted, they wouldn’t be necessary.”

As for loving to watch a man’s inner boy, that seems to get old real quickly. Most men have been told, “This is serious . Quit acting like you’re ten years old and pay attention.”

Beyond the fact that a man’s caring gestures usually become baseline expectations in a relationship, women seem fatally compelled to inject sarcastic remarks into most situations. For example, after washing dishes becomes the new expected standard of behavior, the female can be heard grumbling, “You think you’d figure out where all this stuff goes after doing it for so long,” accenting the comment by rattling pots and pans in the cupboard.

As she gets her wake-up coffee, she might be heard making the comment, “You were late this morning. If you really don’t want to do this, I can get up and make the coffee myself.”

The “being picked up” thing starts getting comments like, “I’ve been standing here forever. Maybe you should keep closer tabs on the clock if we’re going to do this right.”

Verbal subtleties start cropping up during walks, as well. Things like, “Don’t walk so fast. If you’re trying to get this whole thing over with more quickly, just tell me.”

And after receiving yet another apology from her male, a women might well be heard to say, “Just saying you’re sorry doesn’t make the whole thing go away like it never happened.”

Finally, with men who often display their inner boy, in time they begin showing up in the woman’s statistics about children. And, when asked outright how many kids there are in the family, she responds by raising her eyebrows and saying, “Including my husband ?”

Now, lest any female out there think I‘m a disgruntled misogynist purposely assigning blame, I’m not. Conflict between men and women is usually not the conscious choice of either sex. It’s just what happens as the plot of the Heavenly Hoax unfolds. Males and females act exactly as they were programmed way back when fig leaves were in style. That has never changed, and never will. Face it…… our wiring schematics are so different, it’s a wonder we can even say “good morning” without the possibility of resulting controversy.

Finally, consider this last research wrinkle. The study concluded by offering the following disclaimer: “All of these types of turn-ons… (for women)… can enrich and strengthen a relationship. Keep in mind, however, that what’s a turn-on for one woman, may be a turn-off for another.”

Does the complexity and depravity of this hoax never end……?