More “Fuzzy” Government Math

Awhile back I took a break from partying with all those hot cuties at the Senior Citizen Home, and watched two panels being questioned on C-SPAN at the “House Oversight and Government Reform Committee Hearings.”  The topic in question was the latest “Labor Department Jobs Report,” with special scrutiny on the GREEN JOBS statistics.

Now, my concept of a green job has always been centered around  employment in the fields of emerging or advanced technology.  It has included scientists and engineers working on alternative fuels, technicians that assemble and maintain solar panels and wind turbines, workers who install devices like smoke stack “scrubbers” which reduce harmful emissions, or employees that build, sell, and service electric cars.  With that mental construct in mind, then, it’s been difficult for me to fathom the government’s claim that millions of NEW green jobs were created in the past three years.
 

I guess what confused me was the term “created.”  Assuming the word’s traditional definition which is, “bringing into being: causing to exist,” it was hard to imagine that so many new jobs could be added in this stagnant economy, without noticeable improvement occurring.  Come to find out, however, that’s because Washington uses its own kind of “fuzzy” math meant to make politicians look good, while tossing traditional definitions out the window.

Based on the hearings, then, this is how those millions of “NEW” green jobs were added in this lousy economy.  Simply put, the Feds once again compiled their data using a contrived definition that suited their statistical needs.  Conveniently included with jobs in fields such as renewable fuels, alternative ecological strategies, and other high tech environmental solutions, were American workers who do the following:

Now, while one might argue that these jobs do help improve the environment, let’s get real.  None of them is NEW in any sense other than its reclassification.  Each has been around for years, just like the dishonesty of the political hacks in Washington who always seem to use laundered statistics for personal gain.
 

In my opinion, the only jobs that should have been counted in the Federal “green” employment statistics, were those newly created and highly beneficial to the environment.  (And sorry, “Guy Who Sweeps the Garage Where Propane Busses Are Housed,” yours is NOT in that category.)  Such lists should include employees of companies that manufacture appliances like… let’s say, “fart filters,” (methane flatulence traps that can be affixed below the tail of every dairy cow in the United States to reduce air pollution).  And, should other creative firms invent and start producing devices that can be strapped over the mouths of politicians to fight global warming by reducing the “hot air” they spew each time they speak, their workers should be added to the totals, as well, and deemed the most important NEW “green” jobs ever created.