A Kid’s View On Dealing With World Bullies

This is not the first time you’ve heard me suggest that kids should be consulted for ideas on how to solve adult problems. After three years of observing President Obama’s impotent approach on dealing with foreign scoundrels and anti-American types, then, it’s clear he would have benefited by asking children for advice on how to handle those who seek to do this country harm.

The President, of course, remains convinced that his ability to deliver silver-tongued oratory and rational bilateral solutions, is the “enlightened” way do the job. But to date it hasn't seemed to be effective, and most kids could have told him that from the start. They understand that when you reason and “schmooze” with a bully weaker than yourself, you’re only adding to his sense of power and impunity. Not only that, you’re buying him additional time to embellish and solidify his next plan to do YOU in.

When I was a young teacher, I remember an incident on the playground which exemplifies what I’m saying. A habitual bully was cruising the yard doing what he did best… annoying and harassing kids around him. Eventually he went up to a boy I knew was not only a good student, but a fine athlete more than capable of physically defending himself. The bully hassled him for awhile, then seemed to got bored when he received only a minimum of attention. So he moved on, drawn to others whose emotional reactions to his presence better inflated his sense of power.

Predictably, the student who had been bothered did what “good” kids are told to do. He followed established protocol and came to me to report the incident. As the “responsible adult,” I advised him to try to solve such incidents with words whenever he could. My next suggestion, (right out of the Teacher‘s Handbook), was for him to simply move to a new play area when words didn't work.

The following day I observed the boy and his friend being bothered by that same bully. I watched as they engaged him in a long and animated discussion. Then, with politically correct form, they turned and walked away to another area of the playground. Of course, as happens with bullies in the real world (especially those who haven’t read the handbook), the pest followed and escalated his harassment even more.

Then something unexpected happened. I guess the two friends could take no more. I saw them deliberately move towards the bully, and push him up against a tree with unmistakable resolve. Only inches from his face, they simply stared him down as they told him something I couldn’t hear. The kid seemed not only totally shocked, but absolutely confused. Then, instead of retaliating as I thought he might, he turned and walked away. The two boys watched his retreat with obvious satisfaction, and gave each other a "high five" as they resumed playing.

Unfortunately, that day’s “show of strength” did not cause the bully to change his ways. The perennial playground punk continued to exploit kids whenever he could. But never again, at least to my knowledge, did he mess with the two boys who had finally stood up to his abuse. He had gotten a small taste of their “power,” and decided to limit his attention to weaker prey.

This incident considered, would most kids advise the administration to deal with hardcore despots such as Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, or Ahmadi-Nejad of Iran by using tactful political rhetoric and being obsessed with not hurting their feelings? Would they suggest continued attempts at appeasement, more fruitless negotiations, or simply bribing them to be our “buddies?” Would they advise the Commander-In-Chief to act weakly, even though we are strong? I think not.

One thing is for sure. Most playground bullies flourish when they are convinced that no one “tougher” than them is willing to step up and challenge their behavior. And they count on that for their success. For, in truth, only a hard-core few really want to get to the point where fighting is their only remaining option. Losing a physical confrontation is their worst nightmare. Such physical defeat not only sullies their reputation as a "bad ass," but exposes them as the blowhards they usually are.

So, kids would warn that dealing with bullies using politically correct verbiage and Pollyannaish reasoning, is almost always a losing strategy. The only way to get them off your back is to summon the courage (and friends, if necessary), to back them into the nearest corner, look them straight in the eye, and whisper the unequivocal words of Clint Eastwood: “Go ahead, Punk… make my day.”

A Role Model With A Mask and Gun

If I was asked what I had for breakfast twenty-four hours ago, I might not remember. And if you asked me why I couldn’t remember, I might respond, “Remember what?” Perhaps it can be chalked up to my advancing age, or evidence of a deteriorating brain due to lobe calcification. But even if both are true, how come I can still clearly recall where I was every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday night at 7:30 pm, over sixty years ago?

The reason is because I was sitting in front of the radio listening to my favorite broadcast, “The Lone Ranger.” First aired in February of 1933, this legendary program was an integral part of the life of every American kid who had a radio in those days. And from the moment the William Tell Overture opened the program behind the stirring command, “Hi-yo, Silver! Away!” we sat transfixed for almost thirty minutes until our masked hero completed his tri-nightly fight to insure truth, justice, and the American way, then rode off into the sunset with his Indian companion, Tonto.

Looking back, I think the most unique thing about this childhood phenomenon, was that it was created to be more than mere entertainment. Skillfully crafted by writer Fran Striker and radio station owner George W. Trendle, great care was given to insure that its hero was always a positive role model to every kid who listened. The Lone Ranger, then, always shined as a paragon of virtue and morality in both word and deed. And this was no accident, for his character was purposely structured to embody a written creed in which his creator deeply believed. Here it is:

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Lone Ranger Creed by Fran Striker

"I believe……

That to have a friend,
a man must be one.

That all men are created equal
and that everyone has within himself
the power to make this a better world.

That God put the firewood there
but that every man
must gather and light it himself.

In being prepared
physically, mentally, and morally
to fight when necessary
for that which is right.

That a man should make the most
of what equipment he has.

That 'This government,
of the people, by the people
and for the people'
shall live always.

That men should live by
the rule of what is best
for the greatest number.

That sooner or later...
somewhere...somehow...
we must settle with the world
and make payment for what we have taken.

That all things change but truth,
and that truth alone, lives on forever.

I believe in my Creator, my country, and my fellow man."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Beyond this creed, each story plot was laced with strict guidelines that made the Lone Ranger a hero worth emulating. Seemingly inconsequential when viewed separately, together they created a moral blueprint to which impressionable young minds could relate. For example, the masked man was never seen drinking alcohol, or hanging around in unseemly places like frontier saloons. He also never smoked, or was rude or unkind to even the outlaws with whom he had to deal. And when he spoke, his grammar and syntax was always perfect, and not a word of slang did you ever hear leave his mouth.

And there were additional guidelines as to how the Lone Ranger would comport himself. Though he captured outlaws using force, it was never with an excessive amount, or with gratuitous violence. And when he had to use his firearm, he never shot with the intent to kill. Instead, he usually disarmed the bad guys by skillfully shooting the gun from their hands, or by nicking them and causing them to give up. He also was never portrayed as a superhero who could overcome unrealistic odds. And while he fought diligently to seek justice for the “little guy,” he always did so to "level the playing field," and make the western expansion of this country accessible to every man, despite his station in life.

Even story villains had specific character guidelines on the Lone Ranger Program. Each was portrayed as a generic American without racial stereotype. This was purposely done to avoid minority groups from criticizing that they were being singled out in a negative way. And the names of criminals were usually left as nicknames, thus avoiding the chance that full names could be mistakenly associated with any race or ethnic group. Beyond that, those on the wrong side of the law were never portrayed in positions of wealth and power. In other words, it was clear to every young listener, that crime did NOT pay.

After many years as a radio favorite, the Lone Ranger Program finally moved to television on September 15, 1949. With Clayton Moore as the Lone Ranger, and Jay Silverheels as Tonto, the program cultivated a new generation of dedicated fans until its final airing in 1957. Then, thanks to re-runs, the masked man and his Indian companion continued fighting injustice on children’s TV screens all over the world, right into the new millennium.

Yes, while I might not remember what I ate yesterday, I can definitely recall that time long ago, when a masked man riding a horse named Silver and wearing a gun belt that held shiny silver bullets, rode into my kitchen each week and convinced me that being a “good guy” was really cool. And contrary to what the world often said, HE was all the proof I needed, that good guys were definitely not meant to finish last.


Note: You can listen to the stirring radio intro of the Lone Ranger program, by copying the following web address into your browser, and clicking on the “Play Intro” tab on the main page. (http://www.originaloldradio.com/lone_ranger.html ) Enjoy !!

My Theory On How They Found Osama Bin Laden

When Osama Bin Laden was killed by Seal Team Six last May, his secret compound was said to have been located by CIA operatives who painstakingly pieced together bits of obscure information from around the world. While we may never definitively known if that is true, such a claim, (if verified), would constitute the first successful thing the government has accomplished in recent history. So, considering its dismal failure in most everything else, I’m convinced that Bin Laden was actually unearthed by the Facebook Search Engine, not some Federal Black Ops organization.

I picture it being so lonely there in Pakistan, that Osama opened a Facebook account to pass the time between making attack plans, praying five times a day, and perhaps watching porn videos. Then, using a misleading moniker like “Ben Laudenstein,” he began a quest to locate seventy-two virgins with whom he could establish a friendship ahead of time. And that is what eventually blew his cover. Before long, he began popping up on that automatically generated list called, “People You May Know.”

Now, think twice before you mock my theory. The Facebook Search Engine has deadly reach, something I know first hand. For while you can’t even find me on the site, whenever I log in and it says, “Welcome to Facebook, Paisano,” a list of people I know mysteriously appears on the page. Some of them are so far out of my past, I haven’t communicated with or even thought about them for years. It’s downright SPOOKY ! How in the hell does Facebook make a connection between me and these people? And how is this very accurate list generated for an “invisible” like me, who surreptitiously spends less than ten minutes per month as a lurker?

Everything said, I‘m convinced that Osama Bin Laden ended up taking two bullets simply because he succumbed to one of our most popular Infidel vices called “social networking.” And quietly without fanfare (or one penny of our hard earned tax dollars), the Facebook search algorithm became America's newest and most effective weapon in the War On Terror.