A Tribute To Patience and Love

When I was a kid, patience was one of those things that families like mine worked hard to develop in the emerging personalities of their offspring.  It was considered a virtue, and accompanied other traits like honesty and hard work as important ingredients in a person’s character.  Today it seems that patience is viewed as less and less important in the life of individuals.  And thinking about it, it’s probably not their fault.

Consider how the world works these days.  With technology being  such an integral part of our lives, everything seems to be quick and accessible in mere seconds.  For example, unlike the days when you had to write a letter on paper, put it in a stamped envelope, and walk it to the mailbox, now we plop down at the computer and our message is instantly transmitted to its destination anywhere in the world.  Were that not enough, in seconds we can bother people all around us with the insignificant minutia of our humdrum lives, using a multitude of networking tools that make such inane communication almost instantaneous.

And it’s like that with a growing number of transactions we take for granted in our modern lives.  Recently I was with my aunt when she called “OnStar” to get an update on how her car was running.  In mere seconds an operator did a full analysis of her engine, and let her know that everything was functioning correctly.  Simply amazing!  No driving to a service station where a mechanic has to lift the hood while you wait a substantial amount of time as he checks out each component by hand.

Whether it’s ATM machines that do away with you having to walk into a bank to transact business, or it’s coffee machines that brew a perfect cup of coffee in a matter of seconds, the list of things that require patience these days is becoming shorter and shorter.  And when you can cook something in a microwave in five minutes that would have taken thirty using a traditional stovetop, or Google something to get information that might have taken hours to research at the library, or GPS a location without having to consult a map (which the refolding process alone, took almost ten full minutes), you know we’ve developed a “quick fix” mentality with little tolerance for delay.

All that considered, and despite the sad fact that patience no longer seems to be a virtue widely valued or deemed relevant, I recently experienced something that, at least for me, demonstrates it remains an important and worthwhile life skill. The picture that heads this post is a gardenia bush over which a beloved uncle of mine patiently toiled for many years.  When he first encountered the plant, it was scrawny and in need of care in order to survive.  So he began to  prune, feed, and protect it from harm just like it was a vulnerable child. He did this faithfully for fifteen long years, and slowly…… ever slowly, it grew stronger and larger.  Still, during all that time, it was never quite ready to produce buds and bring forth flowers.

Well, my uncle died a few months ago, leaving behind not only those of us who loved him, but the little bush he had faithfully tended for SO many years.  And while we were distracted by the grieving process, something absolutely wonderful happened.  For the very first time ever, his bush BLOOMED!  And the beautiful white flowers it produced were like silent words uttered directly to Uncle himself, saying, “Thank you for never giving up  on me. While these first precious flowers are the only way I can show my appreciation for your patience and faith in me, I offer them to you and your family with my sincerest thanks and deepest affection.  They are indeed a tribute to your character and quiet strength as a man.”

Jaywalking On History Street

As you can see from this poll, Americans don’t seem to be too swift when it comes to knowing their History.  I guess it’s not surprising, since at this very moment thousands of High School students are secretly texting, tweeting, or updating their Facebook profiles beneath their schoolroom desks, as a less than engaging History teacher drones on about the “stuff” of which polls are made.

Some of the most entertaining examples of historical “faux pas” (that don’t necessitate the reading of boring polls, that is), come from the old Jay Leno “Tonight Show.”  In his classic “Jaywalkers” segment, he interviewed people on the street to find out how much they knew about History, as well as facts which fell under the category of “general knowledge.” What resulted was both hilarious and tragically sad at the same time.  Why it was so funny is demonstrated by the some of the clueless responses I’ve used as examples, below.  Why it was sad, is because unless these folks were pretending to be intellectually challenged, their answers either painted an unflattering portrait of the demise of American intellect, or the failing of the educational system in which that intelligence was allowed to die.

Anyway, real or fake, here are some of the responses that Leno got from the “Jaywalkers” he questioned on the streets of Hollywood.  If you think they’re genuine, then take a moment to slash your wrists after reading this post.  If you think they’re just attempts to be funny, raise a glass to these folks whose quick and  creative minds came up with some great late-night entertainment.

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Q:  What is the name of the ship the Pilgrims sailed on?  It’s the same name as the famous moving company.
A:  U-Haul
 
Q:  What was the Gettysburg Address?
A:  (long pause)
Q:  Have you heard of it?
A:  Sure, but I don’t know the exact address.
 
Q:  How many stars on that American flag? (points to nearby flag)
A:  It’s moving too fast to count them.
 
Q:  Finish this phrase:  “Fourscore and seven years ago, our forefathers……?”
A:  Who are in Heaven…
 
Q:  What politician was called, “Tricky Dick?”
A:  Bill Clinton.
 
Q:  In what country do they speak Gaelic?
A:  San Francisco.
 
Q:  Who was the first man on the Moon?
A:  Armstrong.
Q:  What was his first name?
A:  Louie
 
Q:  What does “D.C.” stand for in Washington, D.C.?
A:  Duh capital.
 
Q:  Who fiddled while Rome burned?
A:  Fiddled with what?
 
Q:  Who lives in the Vatican City?
A:  The Vaticans.
Q:  No, he wears a big hat.
A:  Abraham Lincoln.
 
Q:  How many Commandments are there?
A:  Ten.
Q:  Can you name one?
A:  Freedom of speech.
 
Q:  What was the first major battle of the Civil War… the Battle of Bull………?
A:  Winkle
 
Q:  Who was J. Edgar Hoover?
A:  He invented the vacuum.
 
Q:  Where would you find Long John Silver?
A:  On West Third and 22nd Street.
 
Q:  Finish the name of this famous painting by Leonardo DiVinci.
“The Last……?”
A:  Straw
 
Q:  What is the opening line of the Bible?”
A:  A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…
 
Q:  Finish this sentence:  From little acorns, mighty (blanks) do grow…?
A:  Squirrels

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Note:  If you’d like to see the video from which these responses were taken, check out “The Best Of Jaywalking” found at:  www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80691723/

Learning From Firsthand Experience

Today’s post is a very old letter I wrote to parents of my Second Grade students way back when I still had a full head of hair. In it I tried to explain an incident that had occurred that week in the classroom, as well as clarify why their students might have come home reporting that “terrible” things were going on at school with Mr. Paisano.

The letter is self-explanatory, so there’s no need to offer commentary here. The one thing worth mentioning, however, is that receiving regular teacher letters from me, was something upon which every parent could count throughout my long career. Sometimes they were business-like in style, often light-hearted with attempts at humor, but always with the intent of keeping them current about their child's life at school.

That said, here are the words of a frustrated young teacher as he struggled to find a way to reach EACH of his students, with learning he felt too important to be left to chance.

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IF YOU LIVE IT, YOU LEARN IT…… (or so we hope!)

Dear Parents,

There is more than a small chance that your child came home this week grumbling about the unfairness of life, and Mr. Paisano in particular. Let me explain.

On Tuesday I initiated a mini unit on Martin Luther King to lay the historical basis for Monday’s holiday. I began by reading a book to the class which described Dr. King’s life, and his goal to insure justice for all Americans. Ten minutes into the lesson it was apparent that, true to form, only a minority of the students were truly focused on the lesson. The others were engaged in a variety of silent activities… from alternate listening (one minute on, one or more minutes off ), to wishing for miracles (“Oh, if only I could be at recess”), to interior decorating (arranging eraser dust particles into decorative patterns on their desks). I suddenly became “weary,” and decided I couldn’t bear continuing to such a limited audience. (I also knew from experience, that stopping to lecture about the virtue and benefit of “focusing,” would only gain 85% attention for 2.7 minutes, and a final result of only 2 more involved students.) So, I stopped ! I announced that we were going to play a game.

The word “play” brought everyone to attention. I began the “game” by designating each student as either an “X” or an “O.” I sent the O’s back to use activity tubs, and got the X’s started on writing math facts. During the next half hour I lavished my attention on the O’s. I gave them additional rewards, while remaining stern and business-like with the math group. Quickly stress levels went up and grumbling began. The “X” group soon became an angry mob of indignant citizens, mad at both me and their “O” counterparts. Tears appeared along with threats of moving to a fairer classroom. There were few, if any, smiles. We closed the day by writing an evaluation of how we felt in our new status. In short, the “X” group told me what a bum I was!

On Wednesday I finished reading the Martin Luther King book, and announced we were going to play another game. The kids were given a number which seemed random. It wasn’t, however. I rigged the numbers so that Tuesday’s “X” group got even numbers, and the “O” group got odd ones. I announced that the even numbers could go back and use the activity tubs while the odds did math facts. While the odd numbers complained, most figured out this was a kind of payback because they had had the fun the day before. For that reason, at first they weren’t feeling the true emotion of being treated unfairly like their counterparts had the first day. So I changed that by lavishing the even group with MORE fringe benefits than I had given the others. Within seconds the odd numbered kids forgot it was a continuation of the “game.” An amazing mixture of anger and despair erupted. More tears appeared with a new threat of physical confrontation to right the wrongs suffered by the odds. It got far more ugly than day one. I was truly surprised!

Well, today the lesson ended. There were no more games… only discussion of what it feels like to have no choice about your status, and how frustrating it is to be treated with obvious unfairness due to no fault of your own. Today there were no more games… only discussion of how hard it is to handle your anger when you feel you have been wronged, but have little power to change your plight. Today there was no more reading about the unfairness that motivated Martin Luther King to become an activist for equality and civil rights… only a chance to reflect on how he might have felt as one who suffered injustice. Hopefully, that feeling is the lesson the kids learned. Perhaps, though unplanned, that ended up being the most effective learning of all!

Mr. Paisano

Abbot and Costello Discuss Government Math

As I’ve said before, once and awhile I get an e-mail that I wish I had authored myself. The most recent is a clever example of how our less than transparent government takes math to a new level of “fuzziness,” for the sole purpose of making itself look better than it really is. And, of course, this is how career politicians keep themselves in office, and maintain their seats at the public trough… thus giving pigs a bad name.

Of course, I’m not really surprised. I’ve heard said that you can make statistics show just about anything you want. All you have to do is start with your desired conclusion, then apply whatever arbitrary statistical parameters and carefully selected data you need to “prove” your point is true. And, that is exactly how our government economists came up with the latest unemployment figures, hoping to convince the American electorate that things are getting better thanks to the cronies in Washington D.C.

The genius of this e-mail is that it points out this “math manipulation” in a creative and humorous way. A play on the old Abbott and Costello comedy routine, “Who’s On First?” it substitutes current employment numbers for the baseball players originally used in the classic shtick. And after a bout of almost confusing, convoluted banter, the irony of those government figures becomes clear. They end up being nothing more than political “smoke and mirrors.”

Hats off, then, to the original author of this e-mail. I’m a big fan of the way you think, and especially the way you communicate!

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COSTELLO: Let's talk about the unemployment rate in America.

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 8.3%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

COSTELLO: You just said 8.3%.

ABBOTT: 8.3% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 8.3% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that's 8.3%...

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 8.3% or 16%?

ABBOTT: 8.3% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.

COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!

ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.

COSTELLO: To whom?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work... Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles, that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 8.3%. Otherwise, it would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment do ya?

COSTELLO: That would be frightening.

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an economist.

COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said!