Suggestion For A New Survivor Series

Anyone my age or older, remembers a time when classroom teachers were a highly respected group of individuals. Back-in-the-day, the general public believed that educating children was one of the cornerstones of a strong American, and those who dedicated their lives to doing so were at the top of its list of unsung heroes.

Today quite the opposite seems true. Society has singled out educators as the social piñata they find most convenient to whack using a very broad stick. No longer admired as dedicated or even hard working, many consider teachers as public employees who essentially baby-sit society’s kids, while circling dates on the calendar as they wait for the next school vacation.

Obviously, there are those in the teaching profession for whom working with children was a flawed vocational choice. But examples of the inept can be found in every occupation. To allow this minority to spawn a negative stereotype across the ranks, seems not only unfair, but considerably shortsighted.

So, for any “haters” out there who are eager to tar all teachers with such a demoralizing, “one size fits all” brush, I share this spoof e-mail I received recently, hoping it will offer some insight into the minimum requirements for which every classroom teacher is responsible. Posed creatively as the plot of an upcoming, but fictitious Survivor Series, it proffers the tongue-in-cheek premise that if one really wants a challenge in life where only the strong survive, just find a GOOD teacher and walk in his or her footsteps for as long as you can take it.

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TO: Paisano

SUBJECT: Next Season On Survivor

Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show?
Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for one school year. Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district's curriculum, and a class of 20-25 students.

Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three with A.D.H.D., one gifted child, and two who speak only limited English. Three students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.

Each business person must complete lesson plans at least three days in advance, with annotations for curriculum objectives, and they must modify, organize, or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to not only teach students, but handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange and attend parent conferences, as well. They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to monitor students, and pull yard duty whenever it is assigned.

In addition, they will complete fire drills, earthquake drills, and [Code Red] drills for shooting attacks each month.

They must attend workshops, faculty meetings, and attend curriculum development meetings. They must also tutor students who are behind academically, and strive to get their two non-English speaking children proficient enough to take and pass the SOLS tests. If a teacher is sick or having a bad day, they must not let it show.

Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times. If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be held responsible.

The business people will only have access to the public golf course on weekends, but with the papers taken home to be graded by Monday, they may not have the time use it. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch at school will be limited to thirty minutes, which is not counted as part of their work day. The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another Survival candidate can supervise their class while they‘re gone.

If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials before, or after school. However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit of copies due to paper shortages. And, the business people must continually advance their professional education at their own expense, and on their own time.

The winner of this Season of Survivor will be allowed to return to their job in the private sector.

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(Note from Paisano: This e-mail most definitely did not originate in California. To find only TWO limited English students on one’s roster here, means the teacher was either hit by a bus on the way to school and is viewing his class list while in a comatose state, or was smoking herb before school, which caused him to overlook the “1” that preceded the “2” in the Limited English column.)