A Kid's View On Illegal Immigration

For those of you who don’t live in a border state, the issue of “illegal immigration” is probably just something you see on the evening news every now and then. But for those of us whose lives it impacts on a daily basis, it’s a serious matter that needs a solution sooner rather than later.

In my experience, then, if you need a practical fix to almost any problem, the most efficient way to find one is to ask a kid. Youngsters, when presented with a dilemma in terms they can understand, will almost always do a better job of figuring it out than their adult counterparts. That’s because their minds are uncluttered with prejudice and political bias, and their primary motive is simply to seek the easiest, quickest, and most practical solution possible.

President Obama, then, could benefit by having a couple dozen youngsters in his cadre of advisors. And one of the first issues about which he should consult them, is Immigration Policy. I’m sure, presented in the following visual way, it would be a snap for them to figure out, because that’s how kids understand things best.

Here’s how I’d frame the question: “What would be the first thing you kids would do if you found your room full of mosquitoes that had gotten in and were buzzing around because you left your doors and windows open?” I’d ask. “Would you chase them around and try to swat them? Would you search in every nook and cranny to find them hiding? Or might you just ignore them and pretend they weren’t there?”

Of course, you know what their answer would be. With an impatient look on their faces, they’d say mockingly, “Duh, before we’d do anything, we’d close the door and windows so no more could get in. Then we’d figure out what we needed to do, and do it.” Perfect logic, as usual. A simple but effective way to keep the problem from getting worse, while making plans to fix it.

My next question to the kids would be this: “OK, you’ve stopped any more mosquitoes from getting in. What would you do now with the ones that are already in your room?” Again, kids would find that easy to answer. “First we’d get rid of all the bad ones that tried to bite us, and swat them down so we could sweep them out the door,” they’d say. “And, if the other ones were really nice, and wanted to live in our room peacefully and by the rules, we’d probably let them stay until they acted up.” Wow, interestingly simple, if I must say so myself.

So in adult terms, then, here’s what the kids are suggesting to help the President begin solving the immigration problem:

1. Enforce all existing laws to secure the borders so that the flow of illegal immigrants is slowed, and finally stopped. Once success in doing that can be verified without political spin or skewed statistics, a chance to succeed becomes possible.

2. “Castrosize” the illegal population still left within our borders. Just as Fidel Castro emptied his prisons and mental institutions of criminals and social defectives in 1980, (and put them on boats to Florida, I might add), we should undertake a similar housecleaning. All undocumented convicted felons, gang members, sex offenders, and other criminals, then, should be systematically deported from our prisons to the countries from which they came.

3. Finally, once the previous steps have been undertaken successfully, begin to craft creative and equitable legislation to deal with the undocumented who remain. With cooperation from both sides of the isle, the options seem endless. They span the political spectrum from left to right… from “blanket amnesty,” to “creating a pathway to citizenship,” to the outright “deportation of anyone who’s left.”

So, there you have it. The kids have spoken, and while their solutions seem to be on the simplistic side, they definitely cut through the political bologna and get to the point.

And if asked for final comments, I think they would tell the President something like this: “Quit trying to do everything at once. Forget that grownup concept called the comprehensive approach. It doesn’t work, especially on big stuff like this. It just becomes an excuse to put things off or do nothing, and always creates a complicated solution that’s unworkable when applied. So move ahead in smaller but serious steps that work. After all, this mosquito issue has been bugging you grownups for far too long.”