For Better Or Worse, Boys Will Be Boys

In a recent attempt to ban legal abortions after twenty weeks of pregnancy, Representative Michael Burgess (R-TX) stated that because he’s seen sonograms of male fetuses masturbating in the womb at around 15 weeks, it’s proof that since they feel pleasure, they must conversely, feel pain.

To his credit, Mr. Burgess did not made these observations by  frequenting porn sites that specialize in vaginal voyeurism.  Apparently he’s a doctor/legislator who has delivered hundreds of babies, thus studied at least that many sonograms.

Anyway, while it is certainly NOT my purpose to extend the abortion debate on this occasion, I DO think it’s noteworthy to make a few observations regarding these claims.  First of all, critics might say his definition of “masturbating” is far too vague.  After all, the only thing to which he can attest is that he’s seen male fetuses with “their hand between their legs.”  Realistically, he could have seen that at the mall watching male adults.  With fetuses, however, maybe they were just scratching an annoying itch, or determining whether their testicles had descended.  Or perhaps they were simply checking ahead of time to see how they might “measure up” as compared to other boys, if they survive long enough to make it to a Middle School shower room.

Not only that, since sonograms are captured as “still” pictures, a mere hand between the legs does not reveal whether the classic “movement” generally associated with this type of self- gratification, is indeed occurring.  Besides, if it actually IS going on, wouldn’t one assume that the offending fetus would blow his cover by having a wide grin on his face as the picture is taken?  Burgess never mentioned anything about happy facial expressions.

Furthermore, according to my research, a 15 week old fetus is approximately the size of a lemon.  By my guess that would make his “member” about an eighth inch long at best, even when erect.  Now if that toddler on the commercial can’t even grab a few Cheerios well enough to put them it his or her mouth at two or three years old, how in the heck can a fetus with relatively NO hand-eye coordination grab on to anything that miniscule, let alone manipulate it?

Perhaps this discovery of possible masturbation in male fetuses, says more about the nature of “maleness” rather than anything relating to abortion.  Because if the Burgess observations ARE correct, it reinforces what we adult males have known all along.  Basically, we’re very horny creatures.  And even without the benefit of visual stimuli, we are wired to remain in that mode until we croak.  In short, sexual impulses are as automatic as breathing.  And if you don’t believe me, consider this.  Nowhere in any of the sonograms to which Burgess referred, was the male fetus holding a girly magazine in the other hand.

Male masturbation most likely began in the Garden of Eden when Eve was in a bad mood.  And it has continued throughout history.  Yeah, you heard me!  I’m still not completely convinced that it was his “violin” with which Nero was fiddling while Rome burned.

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In time, boys turn into old men.  For Paisano's take on that, you might like to read this:

http://theprattlingpaisano.blogspot.com/2013/01/in-defense-of-dirty-old-men.html