The Famous Feline Got It Right !!

As an old-timer, I don’t like to bitch and moan about this disaster society calls, “getting older.”  Doing so not only makes me appear grouchy, but lends credence to the myth that Seniors are always out of sorts and eager to rain on everyone’s parade. 

But let’s face it.  Aging is not for the faint of heart.  And all you young “whippersnappers” who ignore the fact that it’s YOUR fate, too, will hear me chuckling from the Great Beyond when years from now you have trouble getting out of a chair without groaning, or can’t figure out what to cut from your budget so you can afford that new medication that’s helping keep you alive.

Recently I received an e-mail that describes “old age” with not only blunt language and deadly accuracy, but with the borrowed authority of one who is trusted around the world for saying it like it is.  Yes, the “Cat In The Hat,” (who I figure will soon be reaching sixty himself), has cut to the descriptive heart of the issue.  And while he’s not yet MY age, he’s certainly reached those years where the sad preview of what’s ahead begins to unfold, and one's physical destiny becomes more than abundantly clear. 

The Cat In The Hat On Aging

I cannot see
I cannot pee,
I cannot chew
I cannot screw.
Oh, My Gawd, what can I do?

My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks,
No sense of smell
I look like hell.
My mood is bad… can you tell?

My body’s drooping
Have trouble pooping,
My knees are shot
Need sleep a lot.
The Golden Years have come at last
The Golden Years can kiss my ass !

DISCLAIMER:  No authentic Dr. Seuss manuscript was used in the creation of this e-mail, nor can credit be given to its originator since there are 80 million of us who could have written it from first-hand experience.

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For a less irreverent view of getting older, you might like to read this:

http://theprattlingpaisano.blogspot.com/2012/02/feeling-at-home-in-ninety-nine-cent.html 

The Death Rattles of Paisano’s Prattles

This post is my one hundredth since I began blogging.  And in July, I will have toiled at this keyboard for 1,095 long days… though not in a row.  Frankly, these statistics astound me.  Who would have ever thought I’d endure that long?  Certainly not me.

My first post said it all.  (Link:  http://theprattlingpaisano.blogspot.com/2010/07/what-heck-am-i-doing-here.html )  I am basically a flake when it comes to projects like this, and less faithful to such commitments than Bill was to Hillary in a matrimonial sense.  But I plodded forward, anyway, hoping these character flaws were recessive.  With each new post I tried to improve my writing style, while proving I could stick to something difficult, long enough for someone to notice it was gone once I finally pulled the plug.

Well, guess what?  First of all, my writing style hasn’t noticeably improved.  I’m still long-winded, and verbose to a fault.  Quoting a college writing professor, I never fail to, “… use big words where simpler ones will do.”  As far as being missed when I’m gone, were I to exit the blogosphere today, my apologies need extend to only a faithful few, that when counted on two hands number less than the ever stiffening digits used to make the tally.

Beyond that, I take issue with Edward Bulwer-Lytton’s line,  “The pen is mightier than the sword.”  Not one thing I’ve written on substantive matters, has generated noticeable discussion.  This can only mean two things:  Either I’m preaching to the choir, or as a “sword,” this blog has no cutting edge.  And if I decided to commit suicide in a fit of despair, I’d have better luck impaling myself on the pen.

What I’m saying is simple.  The time is drawing very near where I feel it appropriate to draw the curtains on this endeavor, and gracefully exit stage left.  When I do, I will have no regrets that my time has been wasted.  After all, think of all the hours I consumed writing, that might have been less productive carousing with those hussies at the Senior Citizen Home.  And think of all the angst I shed and the high blood pressure medicine I saved, ranting about the idiotic things around me that pissed me off.

Is it because I’ve run out of things about which to prattle?  Absolutely not.  What I’ve run out of is enthusiasm.  It’s the old, “been there, done that” attitude that inevitably seems to creep in and move me on to something new.  It’s the sad hallmark of someone whose resume of life accomplishments, is far wider than it is deep.  But, as Popeye always said, “I yam who I yam.”  And after seven-plus decades, it’s kind of hard to change now.

To new readers of this blog, I suggest you go back through my posts and see what’s been on my mind over time, that is, if you’re remotely interested.  And were you to move your computer into the bathroom, please understand there’s enough prattling to keep you busy through an extended bout of acute constipation.  

To my small band of “regulars,” don’t bury me yet.  I’m sure I’ll have more to say, but just not on a regular basis.  My suggestion to you is this.  Consider signing up for an e-mail subscription (“Follow by E-Mail” box just under the last post on page one).  It will save you time checking in to see if I’ve written anything new.  Whenever I do, you’ll be notified electronically.  Isn’t some technology wonderful…?

Peace, Friends !!