The Instinct To Get Around Stuff

I seem to do a lot of “pondering” these days.  Sometimes I get SO deep in thought that this house might easily be renamed, the “Ponderosa.”  Anyway, a number of recent events made me begin to wonder what might be causing this world to be such a screwed up place.  So, I began a cursory review of what makes people tick, and why that ticking is more often than not, the sound of a time bomb ready to go off.

Psychologically speaking, there seem to be certain innate forces which make people behave in particular ways.  Sometimes these are called, “instincts.”  Freud said there were both life and death instincts.  But whether you concur with his categories or not, most psychologists seem to loosely agree with those in the following list:

-  The instinct to reproduce, to survive, to strive and compete, to be liked and accepted, to form groups, and to provide for the group‘s needs and protection.

Now, it’s obvious that each activity on the list can lead to positive and uplifting human behavior which makes society better.  But it’s also easy to imagine how some of them, (sex and competition, in particular), can morph into situations that end up destroying individuals and those around them.  After all, you only have to watch Jerry and Maury on daytime television to see that’s true.  No matter, I personally think the traditional “instincts” get far too much credit for creating the terrible condition in which the world finds itself.  And in my ponderings, I may have uncovered one that’s much less recognizable, but far more dangerous that the rest.

I call this instinct, “circumvoidance.”  I coined the word blending both “circumvention” and “avoidance” together.  In its simplest form, it means, “getting around stuff,” or “getting over on someone or something.” I think I first recognized it as a kid, when I used to spend time trying to block the paths of busy ants with a twig.  Each and every time I obstructed their way, they made an immediate direction change in order to continue to their desired destination.  It didn’t matter what I did.  They didn’t hesitate to change direction, go over or around, or employ evasive action for longer than I had the  patience to stand in their way.

People are no different.  We live in a structured society of rules and boundaries, a world with established “does” and “don’ts.”  And those limitations, no matter how benign or well intentioned, are just like a twig blocking our life path, and thwarting us from doing exactly what we WANT, right or wrong.  Circumvoidance, then, is as normal and spontaneous an instinct as breathing is in a physiological sense.  But its danger is that it colors our decisions each and every moment we’re awake.

So what does it mean?  In a simple sense, it’s when someone decides what he wants to do, then finds a way to do it regardless of all impediments.  In a negative sense it makes us all “bend” the rules, especially if we think we won’t get caught.  And it’s why we lie, cheat, and breach moral and ethical standards to reach our goals, however worthy or unworthy they might be.

Circumvoidance functions to make a mockery of laws, treating them as mere roadblocks around which we will steer if doing so satisfies our needs.  In the simplest sense, it’s the reason a Second Grader looks at his neighbor’s paper during a test, hoping to bring up his score by a few points.  It’s why citizens “adjust” the numbers when filling out forms, trying to reduce their tax liability or enhance social benefits.  It’s why folks cut into line at the checkout counter and tick everybody off.  And it’s the reason we all eat that extra dessert, then rationalize we’ll walk around the block an extra time to make up for it.  

In the most vile sense it’s why clerics molest kids within the walls of God‘s house, then rationalize they’ll be forgiven because their God is merciful.  And it’s why politicians find devious ways to begin undeclared wars, killing their citizens in the name of patriotism.  And it’s the reason that things like gun control bans will NEVER stop senseless killings.  Such legislation simply becomes like that pesky twig I mentioned.  And, when someone really wants you dead, they’ll smash your head in with a loaf of stale Italian bread when they can’t find a gun.

Circumvoidance, then, means there are no absolutes other than death itself.  And no matter how airtight a law or rule may seem, or how restrictive a given circumstance may appear, the impulse to get around it and reach a desired goal will never subside.  That’s what’s screwing up the world, in my opinion, and we all might as well get used to it.  It’s never going to change, because that’s how the human species is wired.

That’s what I think, and I’m sticking to it!  And I’ll bet if you disagree with my conclusion, you’ve already got an answer to get around it…… don’t you?

Children and Self-Esteem

Back-in-the-day before educating the whole child was supplanted by manipulating high test scores out of them, the building of self-esteem was a focus and priority of all good teachers.  Of course, as happens with anything, while everyone tried, some of us were better at it than others.  Nonetheless, it was an honorable goal that if achieved, had lasting and valuable benefit for every young student.

There was an era when the whole thing got out of hand, however.  So much emphasis was focused on making kids feel good, that it began to resemble hype more than substance.  Comments like, “You’re doing very well, Johnny,” began to ring hollow when it was obvious that Johnny was failing miserably.  “You are all wonderful children,” almost brought snickers from those who had regular brushes with the adult staff.  So, what seemed to make this goal of getting kids to feel better about themselves, ineffective?  One was that much of it was basically bologna posing as steak, and the kids recognized the difference.  Also, the majority of this “encouragement” was done verbally, leaving out more subtle techniques which ended up proving far more effective.

From some college psychology class, I remember one line which seemed to lodge in my brain during one of my conscious moments in the lecture hall.  It was this:  “You learn about yourself through the eyes of others.”  Simply put, as you watch the reactions of others to what you do, you slowly build an image of who you are as a person.  It’s subtle, non-verbal, but deadly efficient in establishing one’s self-worth.  Fortunately, I guess that’s how I chose to deal with my students when I began teaching.  And though I said many positive things to them each day, my verbal comments were always honest and descriptive of something they had done.  “I like the patience you showed,” or “Your handwriting today is some of the neatest.”  “That drawing makes me feel happy,” or “You should be proud of how you improved on today’s quiz.”  Whatever I said, then, was a reflection of what they actually knew they had done, and not simply a patronizing comment that could be disputed by fact.

Intertwined with that objective commentary, however, was the less obvious use of non-verbal messages that many teachers never realized were so potent in developing positive self-esteem.  Making direct eye contact with every child, and smiling at them was one of the easiest.  It still works today, as some of my biggest fans at school are kids to whom I’ve never said a word. Because I smile at them each time our paths cross, however, they think they’re special and likeable.  After all, they see it on my face.

In the classroom other non-verbal gestures worked wonders, as well.  A simple “thumbs up” and wink when someone was working hard, conveyed I appreciated their industrious attitude.  A smile and pat on the shoulder as I passed their desk, let them know I valued their presence as a member of our classroom family.  The silent pointing of my finger to a sentence they’d written or math problem they’d solved, while nodding my head and smiling, told them I liked the quality of their thinking.  And a smattering of single words descriptive of how I feel about whatever they were doing, academic or not, went a long way towards making them feel good about themselves.  “Great… Funny… Love It… Nice… Yessss,” (accompanied by a smile, of course), always made them feel capable and special.  And a simple, “Thank you,” when I caught them doing something nice, always served to make them want to do it again, and more often.

Everything said, then, perhaps the whole subject of helping kids feel good about themselves, is less a psychological pursuit than a human one.  Summing it up for ME, it would be as simple as this:  “More smiling, and less patronizing talk.”  And taking it one step farther, I’d add this admonition:  “Never forget that kids can read you like a book!  Their eyes are like a truth filter, that seldom interprets what’s in your heart, incorrectly.  And always remember, they DEFINITELY know the difference between steak and bologna.” 

The Slippery Slope Gets Slipperier

There are many in this country that are concerned that slowly, almost imperceptibly, our basic freedoms are being eroded.  It’s my opinion that one does not have to be a conspiracy crackpot to arrive at such a conclusion.  All it takes is a moment of clarity to observe what has now become the accepted rationale for our government making such incursions into personal freedom seem perfectly reasonable

The whole process is based on FEAR.  Whenever something tragic happens in this country, reactionaries come out of the woodwork with a new law that promises to protect the public.  Usually, however, they never stop to concede that this “perceived” safety comes at the expense of some small personal freedom.  And few citizens seem to understand or even care, that in a cumulative sense, the following equation becomes true:  “Small + small + small + small, = LARGE.”

There are many examples of what I mean.  The fiasco of 9-11 spawned the Patriot Act with gave the government sweeping powers to snoop on citizens.  One idiot with a makeshift shoe bomb caused every airline traveler to have to take off his or her shoes before boarding a flight.  Another malcontent with an underwear bomb made it necessary for me to walk through a machine at the airport and let TSA agents get a glimpse of my family jewels.

And whenever shooting tragedies happen around the country, gun legislation becomes the effort of the day, with almost matter-of-fact claims that it will save our children and stop indiscriminate violence.  Of course, on slow days, pain-in-the-ass Nannycrats come out of the woodwork and begin pushing personal limitations, such as trying to mandate the size of soft drinks we can buy in order to save us from ourselves.

Concurrently, when specific “safety” statutes are codified into law, certain practices expand and become commonplace in the name of public safety.  The recent Boston Marathon terrorism and ultimate identification of its perpetrators, for example, highlighted the wide but unregulated use of cameras in public areas.  While such surveillance DID serve law enforcement after the fact, it did nothing to either stop the bombing, or make sidewalk spectators more safe.  That said, however, cameras will most likely become the unspoken “heroes” of this whole sick event, and when the next legislator suggests they be mandated every fifty feet in public areas, most people will quickly agree, then feel like they’re going to get a better night’s rest because of it.

There is a small minority of Americans who are usually branded as reactionaries, whenever they ask this question:  “If we allow THIS, (some reduction of our freedom), then what next?”  A recent news story makes me think that they’re asking exactly the right question.  In a new discussion of the legality and/or propriety of using drone aircraft over this country, the rationale of  government proponents, of course, is again, “safety-based.” Bureaucrats admit to nothing negative in the purposes such drones would serve.  Well, guess what?  Even before a lick of legislation is penned on the issue, along comes PETA stating that when drone use becomes legal, it’s going to purchase and use its own to snoop on hunters, insuring that they’re treating animals in a legal and ethical manner.  Then what?  The “slippery slope” analogy makes it a possibility, that the Outdoorsman Lobby will trump PETA’s move and employ drones, as well, to alert hunters about the location of PETA drones that are snooping on them high above the forest.

In short, the erosion of our freedoms is easiest understood by the old folktale about how to cook a frog.  You put it in a pot of cold water, over a very low flame.  As the water warms up the frog adjusts, and unconcerned by the slowly rising temperature, doesn’t jump out of the pot.  The flame continues to be raised in small increments, and inevitably the water begins to boil and the frog is doomed.  It’s a simple but effective way to accomplish just about anything… if you have the patience, that is.

I have one immediate fear, then, based on the recent terrorist bombing at the Boston Marathon.  To artificially allay our fears  about another such tragedy, and to generate a false sense of safety and security among us all, pressure cookers may well be the next object legislated out of the American lifestyle.  Now how in the heck am I going to cook artichokes when that happens?    

California: The “Not So Golden” State

This post is for all you out-of-staters that sit in front of the T.V. watching the Rose Bowl Parade once a year, and drool all over your lap wishing you lived in California.  Oh, if you could only move to where the palm trees sway, and where the sky is blue, and where you’d be accepted and valued no matter your race or political persuasion.  Where you’d have unbridled freedom to do what you want, when you want, and often with the financial blessing of a government so eager to enable your unique lifestyle.  Ah, YES, the aptly nicknamed, Golden State… where you can almost imagine the streets littered with shiny doubloons, and the freedom to stuff your pockets with them.

Hey, Pilgrim, WAKE UP !  Slap yourself in the face a dozen times, or jump into a cold lake clothes and all.  SNAP OUT OF IT, for goodness sake !  Other than the weather, the whole thing’s an illusion, just like the voluptuous breasts and perfect teeth of many of those beauties atop the floats.  If you don’t believe me, consider this.

In their most recent study, the Mercatus Center of George Mason University ranked California FORTY-NINTH out of the fifty states, for personal and economic freedom.  And every day it gets even worse, with a host of new “constraints” being instituted by Nannycrat legislators in Sacramento.  Yeah, that cool surfer dude you see skimming freely on the crest of a California wave, is really not as free as he looks.  Let me quote, verbatim, from the study’s conclusions:

- “Contrary to popular perception, California not only taxes and regulates its economy more than most other states, it also aggressively interferes in the personal lives of its citizens.”

- “California simply needs to cut government spending.  The budget categories most out of line with the rest of the country are administration, social services, environment and housing, and “other.”

- “Labor laws are extremely strict…  Health insurance coverage mandates add about 49% to the cost of premiums in the state.”

- “Eminent-domain reform has been cosmetic, and the state’s liability system almost reaches the abysmal quality of the Deep South’s.”

-  “… It also has the most restrictive gun laws in the country, a highly restrictive policy regime for motorists, and smoking bans.”

-  “The state’s civil asset-forfeiture regime is arguably the best in the country, apart from North Carolina’s which has only criminal forfeiture.” 

Wow, pretty harsh!  But just so everyone doesn’t have to unpack their suitcases and cancel the move west, the study was clear that California DID get good grades in at least two specific  categories of personal freedom:

-  “California does well on same-sex partnerships and marijuana…”

So there you have it.  Besides the weather, what might be considered as positive freedoms are only a  reality for a minority of those “categorized” populations living here.  Meanwhile, the rest of us shake our heads in dismay, looking ahead with horror to the next Rose Parade and it’s deceptive, one-dimensional portrayal of California life. And while we hope that outsiders recognize it as “smoke and mirrors,” we nonetheless stay indoors through March, seeking to avoid being run over by a stampede of out-of-state hopefuls, who’ve come here looking for the “gold” and personal freedoms they think exist.

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If you want to check out how YOUR state ranks in the categories of personal and economic freedom, you can do so by clicking the "List View" tab at the top-right of this map:  www.freedominthe50states.org
   

Oh, How Things Have Changed !

Recently I went to the memorial service of a friend who was a teacher and principal back-in-the-day when my career began.  The service was a wonderful tribute, not only to his life, but his days as an exceptional educational leader.  I’m sure he was smiling as he listened to, and watched the proceedings from his lofty new vantage point.

One of the things that people remembered about him most, was his closeness to the kids that went to his school.  There was not one child whose name he didn’t know, as well as that of siblings, parents, and long-lost relatives.  And that wasn’t all.  He took a personal interest in every last one, making the time to know and appreciate them as real, live people.  They were like his very own children, not simply educational “clients” that he and his staff were obligated to serve.

In my recent return to school, my dear friend’s philosophy about dealing with children is all but extinct.  While it was simply the way we did things back then, today it’s not a priority to put the human aspects of kids before the intellectual challenges which manipulate them into getting higher test scores.  In fairness, teachers no longer have much time for true personal interaction.  They’re on a rigid schedule of “skill drill,” and under relentless scrutiny from the numbskulls at the district office who sit at their computers and study benchmark scores.  What a tragic turn of events for everyone !!

If you don’t believe me, consider this.  Despite my decades of teaching experience, in order to sub I had to recently take a “Sexual Harassment” class in order to qualify.  And while the obvious subject of “physical contact” issues were discussed, another one came up that threw me for a loop.  In essence, beyond touching kids inappropriately, the message of staying out of their personal lives was clearly invoked.  “DON’T GET INVOLVED,” they said continually, either directly or indirectly.  “KEEP YOUR EMOTIONAL DISTANCE,” they warned.  You are a teacher, and to be an effective one does not call for anything more than strong instructional skills.

No wonder today’s kids seek other sources of personal interaction that often get them into trouble.  There was a time when their teachers ministered to their WHOLE being, which  meant far more than just their brain.  Through personal involvement we showed kids what was right and wrong, what was cultured and what wasn’t. We gave children insight into their budding talents and abilities, and gave them strategies to deal with personal limitations as they appeared.  We impressed upon them their citizenship in the human community, and the obligation to try one’s best to make everyone better by using personal strengths for the greater good.  We shared the things that we loved, hoping that they would learn to love them, too.  And we taught, through example, that treating others with kindness and respect was the most productive way to live one’s live, while making the world a better place.

Before I put my violin away, then, let me say a few last words to those of you who have turned education into a bad production of the “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” and exposed its ass with your delusion about high test scores (which mostly serve to make YOU look good).  Another thing about which I was reminded at my friend’s service, was that when we focused on the WHOLE child back then, and got involved with them as important living creatures, a ton of them went on to be outstanding members of the community… doctors, lawyers, heads of corporations, teachers, pastors, and high-powered players in society.  They also became skilled craftsmen, technicians, and service providers, concurrent with functioning as successful parents and exceptional role models to the young. Just luck, you say?  Not a chance.  And if my old friend H. B. was still here to comment, I know that after he smiled and stuck out his chest for his role in that truth, he’d agree with this final statement… but say it in a much classier and diplomatic way than I:  “You self-serving, “justify-your-job,” pseudo-expert district test freaks, are getting an absolutely, positively FAILING GRADE  when it comes to educating our kids for real life!”

Young Paisano, The Public Prattler

As I was stashing my December 1, 2012 “Letter To The Editor” in a folder of other letters, I came across a yellowed newspaper clipping of something I had written to a local editor the year after I graduated from High School.  It was mostly a self-serving appeal, considering I built and was driving a modified car, and was one of the more “literate” car guys who might have a shot swaying public opinion to the benefit of all the hot rodding brotherhood. Anyway, as most of these opinion letters go, it ended up as an impotent exercise that only vented our collective frustration.  It never changed one “establishment” mind about the subject, and didn’t move our cause ahead one inch.  It did, however, have an unexpected benefit.  My image soared among other backyard mechanics who liked what I said, and it became my first, “fifteen minutes of fame.”  Anyway, here it is… the opinion of a gadflying teenager with grease under his fingernails.

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Letter To The Editor:

In a front page article on August 2, a familiar and often reiterated statement was made by an irate city judge as he viewed a case at hand.  It read, “We have to do something about the speeding and racing going on around here.” His apparent solution: A $100 fine imposed on each of the two guilty individuals.

I must say that this $200, while no doubt increasing the city’s treasury, contributed little, if anything, to the curbing of this ever increasing problem.

First of all, there are things that the average person should be filled in about concerning the topic, “Niagara Falls vs. Speed.”

     1. While being comparably small in size, our city has a higher percentage of modified cars (either licensed or strictly competition) than do cities of double population.
     2.  There are hundreds of cars being built in backyard sheds, that while unfinished today, will be on the road in the future.
     3.  Also, Niagara Falls has the honor of claiming the fastest car in New York State and surrounding areas, as well as Canada, one which also holds a “World’s” speed record.
     4. Car enthusiasts spend thousands of dollars each year, for racing and speed equipment.
     5. Finally, Niagara Falls has scores of victory trophies from various sanctioned speed events as far away as 500 miles.

Now, let’s face it!  Speed is as much a part of our city as the Falls itself. Although officials have pondered this problem endlessly, the only hope instilling answer comes from the car enthusiast himself.  For at least two years the plea for a local supervised drag strip has been made.  Land and financial backers were sought.  Sheriff and State Police Departments were asked to supervise these events.  And even though a majority of people were for it, a varied few blocked the move with such “flimsy” arguments as “cars making too much noise while in competition.”

All in all, to those people I say, if standing a little noise one day a week is harder to bear than perhaps attending the funeral of a child who was hit by a speeding car, your concepts are warped beyond reason.  If the speed urge needs an outlet, give it a safe one in the form of supervised, clean competition.  Let’s get the horsepower out in the country where it belongs… with the rest of the horses!

Paisano  (August 6, 1960)

Let The Music Play On

It’s not often that I get a chance to make a serious point about something in which I deeply believe, and offer moving evidence of its worth at the same time.  In this post, however, I hope to do just that by using the real-life stories of two people.  I learned about them in e-mails I received from friends, and would like to share their stories with you here.

As you probably know, when schools receive funding cuts, among the first things to “go” are activities in the Arts.  District number crunchers are usually quick to say that when things need to be eliminated, subjects like art, music, and drama are tossed first because they do not directly contribute to higher test scores and academic achievement.  Of course I totally disagree, but that’s a subject for another post.  My focus today is specifically on music, and how it had a life-changing effect on a couple of wonderful young people.  And while it may not have brought up their test scores, it kept them going when the odds of doing so were stacked against them.

Because their stories are captured in video essays, I invite you to click on the titles, below, and see for yourself.  Both are visual tales in the Susan Boyle tradition.  When you’re done, I hope you can see why the Arts, especially music, should be an integral part of every young child’s education, and not an annual victim of the chopping block when times become financially tight.  And, if you believe strongly enough that what I’m saying is true, and that these video stories are merely more dramatic examples of what music does for kids in the classroom each and every day, I invite you to do THIS.  Let your district administrators know, that you want the music to play on for every child they have taken an oath to serve.

These are the links:

The story of a Korean boy.

The story of Jonathan.

Confessions Of An Energy Vampire

It’s time to come out of the closet and tell the truth.  I, the Paisano, am a vampire !!

Now, I’m sure those close to me have suspected it for years.  After all, they’ve never seen me near the garlic section at the local grocery store.  And I never wear the traditional crucifix around my neck as do most Italian males back in the neighborhood.  I also avoid direct sunlight when at all possible, and only drink water that comes from high in the mountains where there are no churches.  And when mirrors are more than normal height, I cast no reflection.  Beyond that, it’s rare that I enter someone‘s home without a formal invitation, or stick around long if they ask me to come in for a steak. 

Now, before you report me to Buffy The Vampire Slayer, it’s important to admit that I’m not a vampire in the Bram Stoker tradition.  So relax, there’s absolutely no chance I’ll be sneaking up on any of you to bite your neck and remove a pint of plasma.  I am, however, an “energy” vampire.  That means I siphon energy out of those among us who have plenty to spare, and who share it lovingly and with little resistance.  I’ve been feeding on this potent “essence” for years, and it’s kept me mentally young and intellectually healthy throughout.  Besides that, it has temporarily distracted me from the pathetic realities of the adult world, and helped me retain the little bit of innocence I still have. 

Now, who are these willing but unwitting “donors” to which I refer?  You guessed it.  They’re KIDS !!  I’ve said for years, that every child needs at least one old person in their life, and every old person needs at least one child in theirs.  It’s the purest symbiotic relationship of all.  From us, they receive the time, patience, and wisdom that usually comes with being at the exit ramp of our lives.  From them, we derive a special brand of unconditional love, pure energy, endless questioning, and positive appreciation of life in general.  At least that’s how it’s worked for this vampire for almost four decades in the classroom.  And that’s how it is for me now, when I go back to school and volunteer my services.

They say that every vampire is the product of another vampire’s bite.  Perhaps I was “bitten” by my Aunt (L.T.) who was a teacher when I was very young.  Maybe it was my favorite Sunday School teacher (J.D.) who always seemed at his best sharing Bible stories with our class of energetic boys.  Or maybe it was my wonderful Church Camp teacher (E.S.) who, without words, convinced me that working with children was a blessing from God.  No matter, I’m thankful that I was bitten. And I’m glad to report that over many years, the power of youthful energy that I’ve gotten from children, has never failed to make my life better.  And think of this…  It was all done without leaving a single puncture wound on anyone’s neck.